In the days that followed, all we experienced was a great bond and harmony. I didn’t know the kind of Naseeha hubby did to Raheemah but she sure changed and really trying to maintain the goodness which now oozes from her. Self improvement and individual analyses sure has a great role to play in the development of a happy family. When you analyze yourself and know exactly where you’re deficient, you’ll be able to mend your ways and improve yourself for the interest and betterment of the entire family.
It’s impossible to have a totally perfect family since every family is made up of imperfect people. However working and striving to please Allah through the pleasure of your family should be the ultimate goal and this should really trigger us to goodness. Since we both as co-wives now understand perfectly that harming your mate is tantamount to harming yourself plus you’re adding to your list of bad deeds, then It’s better to stay put and be good. Polygyny is feared and despised because of the numerous atrocities that co-wives engages in which is not only destructive in this life and the next but also comes with unlimited anguish. Being aware that you have angels both at your right and left side recording your good and bad deeds and knowing you’ll meet your lord one day to account for your deeds on earth will surely modify your behavior.
Our relationship became the envy of all eyes but we’ve surely paid our dues. We were at a family function one day and to say we were the cynosure of all eyes wasn’t an exaggeration at all. Our attire was uniformed from the jilbabs on our heads to the shoes we wore and the bags we carried. If it’s possible to show our underpants and bras they’ll be in awe. Hubby personally bought the undies, he knows our sizes so it wasn’t a problem for him choosing a suitable size and colour. At the same function, I bumped into an old school mate who also knew Raheemah, we started discussing and she opened a can of worm.
“Aminah!” My old school mate started with a whisper. “Don’t tell me Raheemah is your husband’s second wife?” She asked with a curious face.
“Yes she is, any problem?” I asked with equal curiosity.
“ALLAHU AKBAR! ALLAHU AKBAR!! ALLAHU AKBAR” She chanted repeatedly and all I could do was stare at her in bewilderment.
“I don’t understand this your drama, what do you have on your mind?” I asked indifferently.
“This is surely a lesson for those who reflect. Aminah, do you know Raheemah was my neighbour before her husband died and she moved to her parent’?, before the demise of her husband there was this sister her hubby wanted to marry and do you know what she did, She practically went to the sister’s parents and threatened them that if they do not want their daughter to die untimely they should warn her to leave her husband alone.”
“Did they now listen to her?” I asked without interest
“ If you were the sister’s parent what would you have done? Who wants to bury a child. Of course they cancelled the wedding and they both went their separate ways. It wasn’t long after that incidence that her hubby got involved in an accident and lost his life.” She explained.
“Ehn ehn, how old was Raheemah’s marriage when her hubby decided to take another wife?” I asked trying to prove a point.”
“I think it’s three years, yes three years. Why do you ask?.”
“I asked because I’m also a woman, you wouldn’t know exactly how it feels or how you’ll react until you find yourself in such situation. Although there’s no rule concerning when a man should take another wife but personally I think three years is too fast and that might have informed her behavior and this is not to say that I’m justifying her childish behavior”
“Do you call that childish or wickedness, I was testifying to the greatness of Allah the other time because what goes around surely comes around. The privilege she denied a sister from enjoying is where she now found herself. This is why it’s always good to always reflect deeply before taking an action. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, a first wife may end up taking a second or even third position with the turns of event while a second wife may later occupy the first seat if Allah wills. That is why every woman must take a chill pill and understands that your husband is neither your property nor your possession, if you drop dead today, another woman will occupy your position and fill your vacuum if at all you leave any.”
“Madam adviser, it’s easier said than done. When you have a co-wife, then come back and tell me what you’re saying now, then I’ll know you’re talking from experience and not from handbook” I teased.
“You don’t need to have a co-wife before you take life so simple, When you believe that nothing is yours and you’ll leave with nothing then your attachment to the world will not be too extreme.”
“you’re welcome, we’ve heard you ma” I gave a sarcastic response
“I can even see that she’s pregnant, you’re really a good woman I must confess” She said and I was confused.
“Why does her being pregnant made me a good woman, I’m I the one who impregnated her?” I asked with confusion written all over my face.
“I said so because I know of a woman who agreed to her husband marrying a widow with the condition that she would not have any issue for her husband. Their agreement was just to take care of her and her children” She explained.
“That’s really absurd, I’ve never heard of such before. Some women are really something else. Why would I give such condition, so that my children wouldn’t have anyone to compete their father’s inheritance with them? Or why exactly because I can’t seems to place it.”
“It may be because of that and it may be for other reasons but whatever it is, it is called selfishness. Some women are really weird like you said. May Allah rectify our affairs and make us not earn his wrath with our actions.” She supplicated and we pegged the discussion. Too many obscenity going on within the ummah, your husband doesn’t need your consent or permission before taking a second wife in the first place so why place the woman on a condition. Some men too can best be described as a weakling, who can’t be the man of the house but allow their first wife take control and define their relationship with their other wives. Why do you have to allow your wife make decisions for you or why listen to her unreasonable yearnings at the detriment of the other wives. They all have equal right regardless of who’s the first or last. I guess we have men who have been tied to their wife’s wrapper after all.
When you love, it’s good to do so genuinely and this will help any relationship wither the storm and overcome the most insurmountable obstacles. My genuine love for Raheemah made me turn a deaf ear to all the negativities I had about her. We all had past which we are not too proud of and this past shouldn’t hunt us for the rest of our lives. We all deserves a second chance and a true friend who will hold our hands to achieve a redemption. I chose to be that true friend to Raheemah and all the negative stories I heard only made my heart endear to her. We became really close and inseperable even hubby was scared by the sudden display of affection lest we plot against him.
Weeks rolled into months and the journey of a hectic nine months journey finally came to an end. A baby boy was bestowed unto us. With the new addition to our family, our hearts experienced an indescribable joy. Habeebah and Little Abdullah now have a baby brother. Hardly had mother and child returned from the hospital when Aisha announced that her brother’s name would be Anas.
“Aisha my Angel, as if you know we had no preplanned name, Raheemah is Anas okay by you” Hubby asked Raheemah.
“Since it’s coming from my baby girl, I’ll gladly accept it” Raheemah replied excitedly.
“Then I name the baby Anas the son of Ahmad” Hubby announced and we all laughed, Aisha was elated and very excited that she had the opportunity of giving her brother a name.
The kids would not leave Raheemah’s room except grandma forcefully sent them out to allow mother and baby rest. They couldn’t have enough of baby Anas who’s a split image of Abdurahmon. Abdurahmon couldn’t contain his happiness as he boastfully told everyone that cares to listen that his baby brother is his striking semblance.
“Grandma can’t you see Anas looks so much like me? He even has a black spot on his thigh as me” He said to Grandma excitedly one day opening his thigh for her to see his black spot too, after the latter had just bath for Anas.
“Abdurahmon you don’t need to show me your thigh, I know you also have a black spot because I bath you too as a baby. You and Anas are both split image of your father. This is exactly how your father looks too when he was a baby” Grandma explained to Abdurahmon with smiles on her face and he laughed triumphantly.
The merry in our household was superb and harmonious. On the aqiqah day we were all in uniform as usual and to describe our family in one word is to use the word harmony. Every family present wished they had a family as harmonious as ours, little did they know that, it wasn’t always like this, there are times when we fight dirty and there are times we despise one another but the most important thing is that our moments of unity supersedes that of disparity.
Baby Anas was already three months old and it was time for Raheemah to return to her place but the kids cried very bitterly. They told her to stay forever and not leave again. They would miss one another greatly especially their baby. I equally had misty eyes while saying my goodbye. I wished they stay forever like the kids wanted but it’s all for the best. The bond we share will forever remain biithnillah. We both agreed to build our relationship on trust and understanding. No keeping of grudges and we would always seek clarifications on issues. No listening to hearsay or gossip and this has really assisted us in building a formidable force.
Living apart looks kind of beautiful but there are times when the kids would miss one another and there are times I would miss Raheemah as well but visitation sure fills that vacuum and sometimes we organize a public outing where we take the kids to go see places and have fun. Another thing that reduced jealousy and envy between us is discreetness. I do not pry into my husband’s relationship with her, I do not wish to know what transpired in her home the same way I jealously guard whatever transpired between my hubby and I from her. That way we were able to keep jealousy abate. Anytime hubby returns from her house, all I ask is how she’s fairing with the kids and I never asked any private question, it doesn’t concern me and not knowing is best for me in order for my heart to be peaceful. My hubby was initially always eager to share whatever happened between him and my mate with me but I told him politely that he doesn’t have to and I asked if that’s the same way he divulges my private moments with him to Raheemah and he was quick to defend himself.
Some men are actually the architect of the misfortune happening in their homes, they have this bad habit of kiss and tell. They get to A and tells her what transpired between them and B and vice versa. Some even go as far as dent a wife’s image in the presence of another. This causes trouble which they may not be able to handle and everything may eventually fall apart beyond redemption.
Happily ever after in polygamy is a choice which is achieveable. It only takes some hard work, a lot of sacrifices, endurance and forbearance on the part of the wives and fair management, justice and equity on the part of the husband. There would be the good, the bad and the ugly moments but all in all having the fear of Allah will always help in any situation.
Two years after the birth of Anas, Raheemah and I bumped together and we gave birth a week apart. I gave birth to Asma’u and a week after she gave birth to Harith. Everyone teased Ahmad if it was a deliberate plan. His friends passed humorous compliments at him especially as they had to frequent his two houses to celebrate with him. Mother-in-law said when two wives bump together, it indicates two things, it’s either they love each other so much that their hearts works together or they’re extremely jealous of each other, Whatever the opinion anyone has, this is Allah’s work and we’re grateful for his mercies.
My husband would not stop thanking me for erecting a strong pillar behind him, he told me how much he holds me dare in his heart. He never stopped telling me how my support has made him achieve success, both in marriage and career. He told me how he always pray to Allah to preserve me for him.
“Anike if anything happens to you, I don’t know what will become of me. You are the shoulder that erects my neck, without your love, patience and understanding this house would have been a Fuji house of commotion, a home of war and a dreaded abode I would be running away from but your love united us, your tolerance kept us going and your maturity in handling issues kept this home in harmony. You’re surely a good woman, the coolness of my eyes, I wish to hold your hands to Jannah. Oh Allah don’t let me die before Anike”
“HABA!!! What sort of prayer is that?” I asked sharply
“So that no man will marry you should I go first to enable us become spouses in Jannah” He explained.
“All the same, that prayer is weird, you should have said oh Allah, give Anike and I a long life so that we may die in our old age and become spouses in Jannah, by the mercy of Allah this love will lead to Jannah. If I have the opportunity to marry again, I’ll choose you over and over again. You’re also a good man. Marrying another woman has not made you a monster to me your first wife. Though you’re not a saint but you strive to strike the balance. You’re a rare gem. I love you to the moon and back.”
“I love you more and you’ll forever remain my Quratul-Ain. He said with a broad grin on his face.