The sweat on my face alone could hardly tell that the air conditioner in the room was actually switched on. I swallowed hard feeling the throb in my throat, and uncontrollable tears came dripping from my eyes. I have been crying for the past twenty minutes without uttering a word and I could tell from the look of my husband that he is angered prior to the undisclosed situation on ground.
“Will you speak to me, Aaaeedah? – You are not a virgin? Imrān asked me again staring into my eyeballs.
Now, I’m confused. How can I explain to him of my plight.? How can I tell him what I’ve gone through. Why haven’t I told him all this while. Would he not think I’m a loose girl who has just been pretending all along – playing the good girl part.?
“Aaaeedah, tell me what’s wrong. Why didn’t you tell me this before I got married to you?”. The question came like a bomb. The more he looked into my eyes, the more scared I become. “You are my wife for Allāh’s sake. Are you meant to keep such away from me.”?
“I – I’m sorry Imrān, I never meant it would turn out like this. It’s not my fault, never was it my fault. How can I tell you lies? Will you please forgive me. It was not my fault. I was… I was…… ” The words came uncontrollably as more tears came dripping from my eye. I avoided his gaze totally as my eyes got fixed to the frames in the room. I could hear the tickling sounds of the clock on the wall. The room had become silent again until his voice echoed in the room.
“You were what, Aaaeedah. I don’t understand. Will you please talk to me? For Allāh’s sake. Can you just tell me what’s going on. Your silence is driving me crazy. It’s hurting me, tell me what exactly is the problem.” Imrān asked me calmy, holding my hands in his this time around. I could feel the warmness of his hands, the softness of how his heart could be. But, my heart is bleeding. How speechless I am.?
“Will you forgive me from the bottom of your heart if I do tell you. I mean if I tell the truth. -Will you?” I muttered crying.
“I would, yes I would, all I need is an explanation” He looked at me with my hands wrapped in his. Now, I feel guilty, I feel shameless as the words came out from my innocent mouth. I wish the wall could open. I wish I shouldn’t have said anything that could hurt Imrān.
“I was raped… Imrān, I was raped” The words came out sadly as I tried to avoid his gaze. I was expecting a kick on my legs, a blow to my head, a punch on my face. In fact, I had wish the wall could open its mouth so I would be swallowed along.
Surprisingly, none of it occurred. Imrān moved closer to me, he held my hands in his , this time tightly and asked worriedly, “Subhanallah, but how Aaaeedah” he asked calmly.
I narrated all the ordeal to him, how I had gone to return a book and on my return was raped by two heartless amd cruel mèn. Imrān listened attentively as I explained in details, from the way he looked at me I could tell on his face that he was sad.
“I was just sixteen years old and have lived with this trauma all of my life. I hate men but you are the first man I would ever love. The first man who ever proposed to me willingly, the first man who ever put a smile on my face except Abu but I was unable to give my pride to you as my husband. I hate myself for going out that fateful day. I regret my actions” I burst into tears while Imrān wiped my tears with the palm of his soft bare hands.
“I understand how you feel my love, please cry no more and I believe you perfectly well. You are hurting me seeing you cry. If you had explained all this earlier all this wouldn’t have happened. I won’t have questioned you. I love you for the sake of Allah Azzal Wal Jalal. Do you remember the day you sent me to get something at your home” he asked me.
“Yes, I remembered vividly.” I replied him.
“I’m sorry but I was meant to tell you earlier. I read your diary. And in it I saw that which you had experienced. And, I felt very sad that day. But I want you to believe something, no matter what you do in life, please do not feel uncomfortable by telling me. I’m your soul mate, I am your husband and I’m your confidant. Feel free.”
However, it seems to me like a dream, when Imrān told me I have nothing to worry about. He consoled me the more and assured me of the love he had for me. The facial expression he had worn on his face depicted a sad mood than the angered mood I was expecting he should have displayed.
He stood up, asked me what I needed to eat or maybe play some games to ease my affairs. And, he came back with the Holy Qur’an. I watched patiently as he flipped the verses, one by one, and then over, and over.
“And may Allah make you the coolness of my eyes.” I heard him whispered to my ears. “I love you, Aaaeedah. And, nothing I promise would bring us apart, not now, or ever. And we plan, and Allah is the best of all planners.” he replied as he pulled me into an embrace, and wiped off my tears.
“And among His signs is that he created for you mates that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And, He has put between you, affection and mercies. “Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. Quran (30:21)
Final episode on it’s way. Keep calm and thanks for reading.
Written by Raihanah bint Abdul-hakeem