*WAITING CAN BE TIRING*
(Just because I’m in awe of Allah’s greatness. I dedicate this story once again to the ‘TRYING TO CONCEIVE’ TTC mums. I hope it inspires someone out there.)
Waiting can be tiring
I sat on the bed, sobbing quietly as I watched my hubby sleep deeply beside me.
Am I the only one bothered by our childlessness? look at the way he’s sleeping as if all is well, I heaved a troubled sigh and stared blankly at the ceiling, with eyes almost bulging out of their sockets as a result of tireless weeping.
After a while I tried to force some sleep but it just wouldn’t come as I turned and tossed around restlessly on the bed.
For some months now,bedtime had been a nightly battle of tossing, turning and exhausted frustration for me.
I hissed faintly and got out of bed, walked into the bathroom and performed ablution to pray tahajud and communicate with Allah. I checked the time it was already half past 3:00am.
I prayed and wept to Allah at each standing, my foot swelled and my energy drained, my eyes red and my lips sour, all I want is a child Ya Rahmon,. You have it in abundance and you give with ease, please count me among the recipient of your blessings, I prayed on every prostration.
My last prostration was a deliberate long one, I feel like staying there forever until I get an affirmation that my prayer is answered. Suddenly I felt Hubby’s hands rub my feet gently, I stood up and said my teslim.
” May Allah accept your prayer.” He said with a smile. “You got me worried, I’ve been watching you stay in sujud for the past one hour, I had to rub your feet to be sure you’re still breathing” He said and I burst into an uncontrollable tears.
” If it’s possible for me to stay till eternity in sujud I will, just for Allah to give me a child, even if it’s just one to call my one, don’t you feel my pain? it’s thirteen years Hassan, thirteen good years of being your wife, thirteen years of restless prayer and weeping, can’t he just have mercy on me? Hassan I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I don’t know what else to do.” I said with teary eyes.
” prayer, my dear Heebah, let’s not desist from prayer, we may get tired but we wouldn’t stop, we wouldn’t stop trusting Allah. Pls don’t cry, Allah sees our trouble and he’s going to answer us soon I believe”.
” Soon you say Hassan, when will that soon come, my patience is running out, look at Aisha, we married same time and she already has five children. What of Maryam, she married two years after me and she already has four children. Nabeelah is also there,her marriage is just seven years old and she’s giving birth every year now she has Six children. Why is my own different? Hassan I want to behold a child, I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve fasted, I’ve done series of charity. I’ve even gone to the house of Allah to pray for a child but it seems I’ve not done enough, Oti su mi”. I lamented amidst hot tears.”
” Don’t say that Heebah, where is your faith? Don’t tell me you’ve been praying without believing that your prayer would be answered. Oh no you have to keep your faith intact. We’ve undergone series of test which shows that we’re both fine, let’s be patient and trust Allah “.
” Patience! patience!! patiece!!! That’s all I’ve been doing for the past thirteen years. Not having anything wrong with either of us is the most worrisome, why is the baby not forthcoming when we’re both fine, not even a miscarriage? ”
I asked in a little bit harsh tone.
” Trial! My dear, Allah is testing us, this is a trying time and I believe after every hardship comes ease, after difficulties comes relief. Do not despair for your joy is at arms reach” He said convincingly.
My hubby has always been like this, sometimes I wonder if he’s an Angel and sometimes the fear of the unknown tears my heart into pieces.
What if he already has another wife who’s bearing him children somewhere that I don’t know about? what if his calm attitude is due to the fact that he’s developed a new family which is apparently making him so at peace? I don’t understand please blame me not.
I’ve heard series of stories where couples are waiting to have a child and it later turned out that the woman was in it alone because the husband had already established a another family with not one but many offspring.
Thirteen years is not a joke and my husband never bothered me for not giving him a child, in fact he’s been very supportive and protect me against external forces.
His family are not taking it quite easy and had advised him severally on taking another wife after all it’s Sunnah, but my husband had refused not because he doesn’t want a child or he hates the idea of polygamy, but because…… I don’t even understand him as well all I know is that he’s so relaxed and 100% at peace.
To be candid his attitude bothers me more than my childlessness, how can a man be so much at peace with a barren wife, how can he be so cooled with the fact that his wife is yet to give him a child.
Seriously I’m scared because this is Nigeria, this is Africa where a child is seen as the fruit of marriage, a marriage without a child in African setting is regarded as an unproductive marriage. Even a man with faith as high as mount Everest will still complain once in a while.
I thought Hassan was never bothered but I was wrong. Who wouldn’t?.