Waiting can be tiring
A long silence followed my discussion with Hassan.’ Why was he silent? Didn’t he heard all I’ve been saying or was he just pretending? I thought to myself as my gaze was fixed on him, he didn’t even look up from his laptop, he just stayed glued to that thing while I was being bothered about us. I was about repeating myself when he heaved a long sigh and closed the laptop in front of him to face me.
“Is that what you want?” He asked firmly.
” What do you mean ‘Is that what I want”. I asked back with fear written all over my face.
” If that’s what you want, then it’s a good idea, but if it’s some one else’s pushing you, it’s better you have a rethink “. He said firmly yet again.
” Is that all you have to say? Hassan don’t you even pity me for once? The pressure on me is too much, but it seems I’m in this alone, you don’t seems to be bothered about our predicament and here you are displaying your lackadaisical attitude again”. I said furiously.
“Did I hear you say pressure! Who’s putting pressure on you? Have I ever bothered you for not giving me a child? I know better than to do that when I know you’re not the maker of children. Not having a child is not a deficiency, of course I agree that one of the pleasure of this life is having children but in case I don’t have, and I’ve tried my utmost best, should I be embittered for the rest of my life? Besides I’m still very hopeful in Allah. That’s why I asked you if having a second wife is what you really wanted then I better give it a thought and start looking around for a good sister”
“Whaaaaaat!!!” I exclaimed unconsciously.
“I got you there! I can see fear and jealousy written all over you, don’t you worry, this Hassan will never forsake you for anything in this world. Let’s begin the search for a good sisterrrrr” He said humorously with emphasy.
I was soo furious, I felt like eating back my words, why would he consent so easily, little wonder he was just pretending all this while. I expected him to flare up and tell me it was never going to be possible, I expected him to tell me Heebah no way, let’s be patient with Allah as he always told me.
How wrong was I to think that Hassan was never bothered about our childlessness, may be he was but just good at concealing his emotions so that he wouldn’t hurt me, may be he never really gave having a second wife a thought, and his interest might be triggered by my suggestion, may be if I hadn’t mentioned it we would just be fine being the two of us alone. My may be seemed endless.
” Don’t blame yourself Heebah, even if you didn’t suggested it, what would be, would be for sure. Don’t forget that men are polygamous in nature ” A’isha said trying to calm me.
“Yes we know, but I’m not comfortable with the fact that she’s the one suggesting another wife, if he wanted another wife, let him do it from the bottom of his heart not that he’s been pushed to do it”. Nafeesah argued.
” Who says it’s not from the bottom of his heart, you can’t push men into what they don’t desire lailai, all I’m saying is that Heebah should stop blaming herself for the suggestion, if he didn’t wanted it, he wouldn’t have accepted ” A’isha opined.
“Hmmmmmmmm” I heaved a long sigh. “I have accepted my fate, even if I have children for him, he’s still allowed to take other wives, we can’t rule out the law of Allah in our lives, I just prayed that the person coming wouldn’t come and destroy my home” I said with fear.
” if she’s coming with that intention, she’ll rather grow old in her father’s house o I beg, a home breaker is not welcomed o” A’isha joked and we all laughed.
Unconsciously and with the feeling of insecurity, I became Hassan’s police. I checked his phone every now and then to look out for any information about “the other woman”.
Whenever we went out and his gaze was fixed on any sister or so I thought, I would asked him if he liked her.
Whenever he was chatting with a sister at Halqoh, I would asked if she was the one.
Severally I asked too if he doesn’t have anything to tell me. After dinner everyday I would try and chat him up, I became an investigator and was quite inquisitive on any information I got from him. Honestly my feelings of insecurity was taking a toll on me. This continued until………
One Saturday morning after breakfast, my worst fear was confirmed. He whispered in my ear that he had a gist for me and my heart did a marathon of somersault. He noticed my nervousness and told me to chill. I adjusted myself on the seat while looking straight into his eyeballs.
” Heebah my joy” He began with his gaze fixed on mine. ” You bore me no child but you’ve given me an indescribable happiness, I never for once bothered you about not giving me a child not because I don’t like children but because I count my other blessings which Allah has made possible with you. You’re indeed a breath of fresh air and I never for once regretted choosing you as my life partner despite the trials we’re going through ” He praised and I couldn’t hold back the tears from flowing, he moved closer to me and wiped my tears with his palm and continued.
“I want to do this not because you suggested it but because it’s the law of Allah and it’s coming from my heart. I searched all the nooks and crannies of this country, I took my time to look for a good sister with equally good background who would at least if not completely match upto your good status. I finally got one and she’s Hamdallah by name. I’m doing this not to hurt you, not because I gave up on you, but for the simple fact that its allowed in my religion. Trust me I did my investigations well enough to know that Hamdallah is just as good. Please accept her as your mate and I pray we all live in harmony together, I also pray that both your children fills my home bi’ idhnillah” He concluded and I couldn’t help but jumped on him to give him a very tight hug, what else could I have done, he had presented it in the most beautiful way even a mad woman would surrender.
Hassan told me we would have a rendezvous the following day which was Sunday. Hamdallah would be coming over to be introduced to me formally. Hassan didn’t exaggerated at all she was quite humble and reserved.
The Nikkah took place not long after and Hamdaalah moved in to join us. Hassan initially suggested that he get another apartment for her, but it doesn’t go down well with me. I wanted to be seeing my hubby everyday except he travels. Living separately would not do at all, I could fall sick. We later resorted to building another flat behind the main flat, that was better and this we did before Hamdalah moved in.
Nights turned mornings, days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months and months into years but our new wife Hamdallah too was yet to bear a child.
What could be happening, we all became quite apprehensive. Hassan and I ran our fertility test again which declared us fit to be parents. Why would this be happening again with another woman? Hamdallah had her fertility test done too and then we discovered something……….
Surah Ash-Shura V49:50
“To Allah belongs the dominion of heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom he wills female (offspring) and He gives to whom He wills male or He makes them both males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Verily He’s all knowing and competent”
Don’t give up! Keep praying!! Keep pushing!!!