Would you still love me the same?
“Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu”, baba
and mama told them as they opened their door. My heart
started beating faster than usual. I wanted to tell them about it
today in shaa Allah.
“Walaikum salaam warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu! “, Asma’s
mom and dad said in unison. “Come in, come in and have a
seat”, aunty instructed us leading us to the main hall. Every
step I took through that house made me feel I belong there. I
had a really wierd feeling about it!
As we sat there I was really hoping I could see Asma. Incame
sounds from the kitchen. People started to appear from inside
The old wrinkled face of the man at the end of the kitchen door
looked so familiar. But I couldn’t guess who it was or where I
had seen him before. Then next was another old familiar face,
wait right now I knew who they were, they were non other than
Oh God I really didn’t want them to be here, not on the day I
was supposed to propose! And what are they doing here?
Were they related to Asma? No way that can’t be! Why would
they come here on our family special day? A number of
questions were fighting in my mind. I decided to leave them
aside and concentrate on how I was going to confess to
The day went really slow. Every minute seems more than an
hour to me. I was so impatient to talk to their parents about it.
I wanted to say it when they were free. So I was waiting for the
I tried to stay patient but I couldn’t, I wanted to scream out
loud and tell the world I love Asma and she belongs to me.
Only to me! I was fighting with my conscience as it was
annoying my thoughts right this moment.
Calm down Saajid hold on the world didn’t end. I kept reminding
this to myself over and over again.
Everyone was so busy talking to one another but I was excited.
I wanted to see that one person who turned everything in my
world the other way. I was waiting for that person who brought
those butterflies to my stomache everytime I see her.
Asthagfirullah this is haraam Saajid keep those thoughts away.
Wait till you guys are engaged.
I was smiling like an idiot right now, I did not realize this until
Shabeer nudged me and stared at me.
And finally there she came down so beautiful that my heart
shrank. She was so bright and beautiful like an angel
descending down the stairs with Asna beside her. She was
holding on to her sisters arms as though she was afraid that
the world would swallow her up.
Man I cannot take my eyes off h….
“Keep your eyes off my sister in law for sometime will ya”,
Shabeer winked at me. I immediately looked away to the other
side feeling embarassed.
I need to talk to them as soon as the atmosphere became calmer. I
thought to myself.
Finally everyone was done with their discussions of the couple.
I thought it was the right moment to start and I stood from
where I sat to begin.
“Hey man whats up didn’t see you since so long”, Akeel
hugged me side ways as he punched my fist.
Oh no why did he have to come right now and spoil everything.
“Hey, Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu
Akeel, yup so long bro! How you doing?”, I faked being happy
to see him as I hugged him back.
This is so ridiculous couldn’t he just come some other time. Errr.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. I just got a call from my boss in
India.”, Akeel says as he raises his hand in surrender and
moves to take a seat in the sofa.
That’s what I hate about him. So much to boast about his life ,
wealth and his luxurious life in his big house back in England.
Yeah he used to boast about that too all the time while at collage.
He must have mentioned about that house….nope mansion more
than 10 times every single day.
Asthagfirullah stop with the bad thoughts again. He’s not worth to
be talked about even in your night mares. I shook my head to
relax myself a little.
Wait what just happened and why is Asma blushing. Oh no was it
because Akeel was here? Nah can’t be just stay calm.
I decided to at least let my thoughts out to them now. I stood
from my seat and headed towards the middle of the gathering.
“Ehem”, I made that sound to get everyone’s attention and
great it worked.
Okay calm down. It’s finally time to say.
Before I could talk Uncle Sameer stood up with a wide grin on
his face. “Looks like Saajid has to say something, well go on
I’ll talk next”, Uncle Sameer said with his rough but heart
warming slow voice.
It’s not nice to let elders wait. Let him talk first.
“No Uncle you could go on I can wait”, I said as I put my hands
into my pocket with the smile never leaving my face. “Oh okay
jezakallahu khairan Son”, Uncle smiled at me I nodded with a
smile back for him to continue.
“Okay since today had been a great day up to now I think I
want to say something to all of you”, Uncle Sameer continued
but I didn’t care to listen as I was staring at Asma who looked
down through out the talk. Suddenly she turned red.
Aww how pretty she looks. Wait why was she blushing? Did I miss
something? Darn it yes I missed something!
“I’m sorry but I didn’t get you”, I said as I needed to figure out
what he told for Asma to turn so red.
“Yes so we thought Akeel would fit great for Asma since myself
and Akeel’s dad are close from ever since so long. I trust them
and think this would be a great match. Don’t you think so
Saajid?”, Uncle Sameer had asked but I didn’t realize that.
The only thing I thought of was, ‘ we thought Akeel would fit great
for Asma’. Then what about me? How could he do this? Akeel
and Asma nah that match wasn’t good, not at all.
“Saajid?”, Shabeer nudged me only then I came back to earth.
“Err.. umm.. yeah uncle”, , that’s so right”, I said as I closed
my eyes tightly to not allow the tears to descend.
“So what did you want to say before son”, uncle asked me. I
couldn’t find my voice back to reply. Anyway what would I
say? I can’t tell them I love Asma when they had already
decided. Could I? No way that’s insane to say as it would
make Asma worry. I wouldn’t dare do anything to take away
“Erm nothing so important uncle”, I told as I gained back my
voice. “You sure habeebi, you seem so not fine”, uncle said
with worry in his voice. “No nothing so important”, I faked a
smile and continued “I feel sick and I think I need fresh air, I’ll
just walk out and come back later. Assalamu alaikum”. I said
and turned away from everyone to walk outside.
I felt dizzy and sick in the pit of my stomache. I wanted to
poke into my mouth and vomit. I wanted to break everything
around me and cry out so loud till I lost my voice. I needed to
get away from here right now before I do something wrong.
Like really really wrong.
I went straight into my car and drove far far away from her
house. I knew I had no where to go right now other than just
I headed directly to the beach. I payed for a hot coffee at a
cafe near by and went into near end of the beach. I took a seat
there with my coffee in one hand and phone in the other.
I had recieved a message and many calls from Shabeer that I
didn’t dare to answer. I didn’t want to scream at him during my
anger mixed with hurt. Hurt for losing Asma and anger that
she was with that not so worthy Akeel. I didn’t want to scare
my family so I texted Shabeer.
Shabeer: Dumbo where the hell are you?
I smiled at his text realizing that he had called me Dumbo. He
always said that when he was annoyed with me. I liked it
Sajjid: hey don’t worry im safe will be home before tomorrow
Immediately there was a reply.
Shabeer: You scared the hell out of us. Hope you aren’t too late.
Just don’t disappoint your big bro. 😉
He sure knew how to make me smile no one else had that
magic. I did not reply to that I switched off my phone as I lay
down on the cool sand that had been hit by a wave and was
now so wet.
I looked up at the sky, it was so late in the night and the moon
looked so happy and full with its days happiness while I lay
here not knowing what to do. Sometimes I wish I was the
moon so I could shine in the night while no soul was awake
and disappointed and hide back when the world got its power
back again to disappoint and be disappointed.
I loved the view of the moon. I had always come here when I
was anything other than happy just to relax myself and stare
at the beauty of Allah’s creations.
I lay down so relaxed at the sight of the moon and tried to get
back to my thoughts but today the moon did not bring peace
to me, it just made me think deeper about her.
Wow she could even melt a moon with the brightness in her eyes.
I couldn’t take it anymore. And there I cried to Allah for so long
till I had no more tears to shed. I knew at the bottom of my
heart that Allah loved me and would give anything for his best
Ya Allah you are my God, the most Gracious. I know you would
never do anything to displease your followers wishes. Grant me
what’s best for me as you know what’s best. Show me the straight
path and guide me towards it.
I felt so relaxed and a smile twitched on the edge of my lips. I
headed straight home with hope this time as I have put out all
my fears and worries to Allah. He would help and protect me I