Would You Still Love Me The Same?
“Uhh yeah sorry Asma uhhh.. yeah.. so I think I like… uhh
Shabeer”, I stop and turn towards Asma with tears filled in my
She looked at me shocked, it took her more than a minute to
reply, “You like… who?”
She couldn’t continue anymore as she was filled with tears half
way while talking.
I felt so bad for her. I just wanted to run away from there. But I
couldn’t because I was the reason for her sorrow. I would
never let her worry because of me.
“I think I like Shabeer Asma”, I say with , much confidence this
She didn’t reply afterwards. I had to cheer her up. But how? I
didn’t know what to do. But I had to tell this to someone and
the only person I tell things to was Asma, so I had to tell it to
I knew I didn’t do anything smart but what else can I do. I let
her cry as much as she wanted as I hug her back and cry as
well. Once she calmed down a bit, I ran out of the room. I
didn’t want to face her.
How could I face her ever again? Why did I ever think that she
would accept the fact and just let it go? Why did I do it.. Why?
As I scold myself I cry, I cry as hard as possible.
As I remember her swollen face turned red and filled with
tears, it makes me cry harder than ever! How did I ever have
the heart to break my sister’s happiness? How did I?
I directly run into the washroom to make ablution for my Isha
prayers becuase whatever happened I didn’t want to delay
I quickly made my way to the prayer mat and did my prayer
without any thought of what was going around me. It was just
me and Allah during my prayer. That was my daily practice.
Once I had finished with the prayers I recited the Quran and did
dhikr while in the prayer mat and made alot of dua from Allah
to protect me at all times.
I doze off there in the prayer mat, I didn’t have dinner nor time
to finish my home work.
There was Shabeer on one side looking handsome and manly
with his grey tuxedo and a green shirt a pretty looking young
me beside him dressed in a long green sharara with my hands
entirely covered with mehendi designs.
The two of us were smiling so wide like it was the most
beautiful day in our lives. I was emotionless. I didn’t know
what to say nor do.
It was the best day ever, finally we were engaged. The Nikkah
was happening as well. I turned to look around, people were
crowded around us.
Everyone was smiling at us while Asma was not really happy
about this whole thing. I didn’t take much interest in
concentrating about her. This was my happy day!
We were ready to sign the papers but before that we had to
agree on getting married to each other. So there he was infront
of me the Haafiz.
“Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem! In the name of Allah, the most
Beneficent, the most Merciful!”, he began as he followed with
certain duas and recitation of few surahs.
Then finally it was time to ask the approval from me at first
and so the Haafiz started. “Assalamu alaikum Ya Asna! Seems
like you are very happy today”, he says as he smiles and then
continues “will you accept him, Mohamed Shabeer Ahamed as
your to be husband in shaa Allah?”, he says as he waits for my
I was so excited to say yes and forced the words to slip out.
Then I replied with a huge grin on my face “Walaikum salaam
warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu! I agr………”, before I could
continue anymore. Some one sreamed from the crowd.
“No she won’t marry him! She’ll never!”, I immediately turned
around to see who it was. And to my surprise it was her.
“Oh no”, I scream with shock as I feel pain in my head as I
knocked it on the edge of the bed.
When I see the alarm clock I get a shock of my life, “Oh my
Allah! I am late”. I had just few minutes to school and I
instantly stood from the bed.
I decided to put on my red and white striped skirt with a white
plain top and a plain red shawl for today. I was glad I could
make my way down to the hall to grab a pancake before Adila,
my best friend arrived.
“Assalamu alaikum ma and baba”, I say as I finally meet them
in the hall. “Walaikum salaam warahmathullahi
wabarakathuhu Ya habibti! Why are you in a hurry sweety?”,
Ma questioned me.
“I’m late today Ma”,I say her and as I hear a horn sound I turn
to face the door then at Ma and reply to her.” Ma I think Adila
is here bye! Assalamu alaikum! ” I answered Ma as I grabbed
my bag and left the house before Adila horns again.
“Fee amaanillah ya hayatee! Walaikum salaam! Pass my
salaams to Adila as well!”, she says and I reply, “okay sure
Ma”. I wave at her and then we leave.
Throughout the journey in the car I was thinking about the
wierd dream I had. Why did I marry Shabeer and not anyone
else? and whom did Asma marry then?
Why couldn’t I marry anyone else and why did Asma stop the
marriage? I was so confused!
These questions were running in my head throughout the entire
time. But there was no way of getting answers to them.
I just let it be because it irritated me each time I thought about
it. And for Allah’s sake it was just a dream!
Since Adila was driving it was uncomfortable for her to talk to
me and distract me so it was extremely hard to keep my mind
concentrating about some thing else.
While we were on our way to collage Asma had texted me.
Asma: Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu Asna!
Want to talk to you! Come home early in shaa Allah!
I was so afraid when I read the message. I was afraid she’ll
scold me for the first time in my life. I was so scared to go
I decided that I would go home late and so I texted her right
away saying I had something at collage. I replied after
planning out a “not suspicious” text.
Asna: Walaikum salaam warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu, I’m
sorry I’ll be late home today cuz I have a project to do! Tell ma I’ll
be late. Hope we have tym to talk when I return in shaa Allah.
I type this message, take a huge breath and then sent it to her.
I got an inatant reply from her.
I was glad at times like this as myself and Asma didn’t attend
the same collage. So I escaped this time. But I reminded my
conscious ‘not always will you be able to escape”.
As I think of this I get goose bumps. I directly headed to class
with Adila as I wanted to concentrate on my favourite lesson.
But unfortunately since I forgot my homework, the lecturer
chased me out of class as punishment.
“Today was horrible!”, I say to Adila as we leave back home.
“Why is that?”, she says as she takes a quick look at me
before concentrating on the road again.
As I stare at her she realizes that and then she holds her head
with one hand while driving with the other and says, “Oops.. I
just remebered! The punishment right? It’s okay habibti it was
just a small thing don’t take it so serious”.
And that was the end of our conversation. Neither me nor her
spoke a word afterwards until I reached home.
“Assalamu alaikum habibti! Take care! Should I pick you up
tomorrow as well?”, she says as she waves at me through the
“Walaikum salaam habibti Adila! No you don’t have to, the car
is fixed and so baba said he’ll bring it from the garage! No
worries you take care!”, I wave at her and move inside.
I didn’t want to trouble Adila again because I had been going
with her for the past few days since Asma met the accident.
So now since the car is ready I felt happy that I didn’t have to
trouble her anymore.
“Alhamdulillah!”, I say as I walk towards my house in the by
I enter the house with silence because I didn’t want Asma to
know I was at home. But my mom turned things up.
“Assalamu alaikum Oh Asna! Why are you late dear?”, Ma
screams and come towards me and hugs me with a panicking
expression on her face.
“No nothing ma I just had a project to complete! Didn’t Asma
tell you?”, I ask her confused.
“Oh yeah she told me but I forgot”, she says as she moves
back towards the kitchen. Then I hear the old door of Asma’s
I instantly decide to move away. Right then mom stops me and
asks, “Asna aren’t you having dinner?”.
I realized I had to run now. “Ummmm no Ma I’m not hungry!
Bye”, I say as I run towards my room.
Asma was getting nearer to me. I run faster. “Asna wai….”,
before Asma could finish I run into my room and slam the door
“Phew! Saved again”, I say as I sit leaning on the door. Why
couldn’t I just face her! It was all my fault! I brought this up!
Why not face her?
I head to the washroom to make ablution for my Isha prayers
and then I ask help from Allah.
I question myself and realize that I had to talk to her oneday.
She was my sister and how could I hide from her every single
day. And so I decided to talk to her tomorrow because I had to
face her somehow someday !l