Would You Still Love Me The Same?
“Oh my Allah! Why did I just do that? Why Allah why?”, I utter
as I hold back my tears. I regretted my desicion in making her
Shaitan had attacked me just a few minutes ago. Why did I let
Shaitan get into me? Why did I just allow him in? I was so
annoyed with myself and since I needed to calm down I decide
to walk away from college .
Right before I could leave someone just came up to me. “Oh
please if you don’t mind will you join me in your commitee
please! I would love helping you guys out!”, she said with
I was in no mood to talk to this girl as I was totally down with
what I just did to an innocent young girl. I was interrupted in
my thoughts when she voiced again, “please will you count me
I was already really mad at myself and this girl made me even
angrier by interrupting my thoughts. So I barked at her to
make sure she keeps quiet and then walked away directly to
the car park.
While I was starting my car, I just realised what I did.. I was
almost committing the same mistake again. I ran all the way
out of the car and towards that innocent girl.
She lay there standing still with shock. “Oh sister, I’m really
sorry for hurting you but I really didn’t mean to do it”, I tell her
as I beg for forgiveness.
“No problem brother anyways it’s my fault for not knowing
your situation and talking.. I’m extremely sorry about it”, she
says it to me smiling as she returns from her shock.
“Naah, it’s okay.. let’s just stop about this.. and since I have to
make a quick leave now, I’ll note down your name maybe
tomorrow, just meet me in the interval tomorrow in shaa
Allah.. same place, salaamz sis”, I continously lower my gaze
as I say.
“Sure thing bro.. see you soon in shaa Allah.. wasalaams”, she
says and then we both leave in opposite directions.
As I realize that it was already time for Asr prayer I get in my
car and ride towards one of the place I like being to. The
mosque, because it calms me down and especially it makes
me forget the worldly desires and helps me concentrate on my
I head inside the mosque and pray my Asr prayers and then
make alot of dua, asked a lot of forgiveness from Allah and did
I had spent almost two hours prostrating to Allah and then
finally decided to leave. Thinking of Allah and how many things
he blessed me with I calmed down a bit.
“Oh my Allah! I forgot my phone in the car! Hope mama didn’t
call me”, I say as I check inside all my pockets to find nothing
in there except for my wallet. I run towards my car to find my
phone in. There were two missed calls from mama and one
text message from Shabeer.
Oh Allah she’ll be hurt that I didn’t answer. So I immediately
dialled her number before I checked Shabeer’s message. She
answered in a split second. “Assalamu alaikum
warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu mama”, I say as I wait for
her to scold me.
“Oh habibi! Walaikum salaam warahmathullahi
wabarakathuhu! Where have you been? I tried ringing you
twice but no answer.. are you hurt son?”, she asks with
I reply instantly, “No mama don’t worry, I’m great thanks to
almighty Allah! I was just at the mosque and left the phone in
“Oh okay son.. I just wanted to tell you that girl.. you
remember that girl we went to see for Shabeer?”, she asked
I was stuck. Oh Allah! What did she say my mom? Why did
she have to drag the problem all the way to my family. Oh no
this was going to end terrible. I was soon out of my thoughts
as mama repeatedly said hello twice.
I didn’t know what to say so I decided to say yes. “Oh yes
mama, sorry there was a network coverage in this area”, I lie
“Oh it’s okay habibi, anyways this is the thing I wanted to tell
you, she met an accident approximately about 2 hours back.”,
she says with a sad, low tone.
I couldn’t take those words within me. I was utterly shocked. I
just told mom I’ll call her back later and I ran towards the
mosque again. I recited 10 yaaseens on bahalf of her and
decided to check on Shabeer.
Before he answered I made sure that I didn’t make him feel like
I had really fallen for his future to-be-wife. And I made sure I
knew the entire scene from what mama told me.
“Assalamu alaikum bro! How are you?”, I ask Shabeer as he
answers the phone. “Walaikum salaam and I’m doing great
Alhamdulillah! Did you read my message?”, he asked.
“Yeah I did read it. Hope she’s okay.. may Allah be with her
always! Anyways aren’t you like going to see her?”, I asked
him as he replies.
“Aameen! And thanks bro.. And no I’m not going today
because she’s still unconscious and so it’s worthless going
today, so I’ll be going tomorrow! You coming with me?”.
I was shocked, how could I say yes. Will she like to meet me?
Will she forgive me? Since these thoughts gave me
goosebumps, I decided to tell him no.
“No I’m not bro, I’m a little busy tomorrow. ? You carry on..
salaams”, I say as I end the call.
I was really upset about what happened to her. It made me
feel worse as I realised that as soon as our argument was
over, this incident had happened. I knew I was the reason for
I decided that I won’t forgive myself unless she forgives me!
With that thought I headed straight home.
I was totaly frustrated and tired at home with a busy day. I
really needed a nap before I could think of what I had to do to
get Asma’s forgiveness.
Asma was the only thing that ran in my mind since I came
home. I didnt even have lunch as I was so upset about my
failure in front of a girl. I wanted to tell about this to someone.
The first person that came up to my mind was Shabeer. Since I
had no guts to tell him verbally, I decided to text him. So I
immediately took out my phone and started typing my
Saajidh: hey bro, salaams! just wanted to tell you something!
I wanted to see if he read my message so I waited for some
kind of reply from him. After two minutes, the phone light
flashed and I knew he had replied.
Shabeer: wasalaams! Whts up bro??
Alhamdulillah! He’s here, so I’ll tell him and he will help me..
Saajidh: don’t get mad at me but this is what happened! *typed the
entire scene in the library*…. and just after that she had met an
accident! Don’t you think it is my fault? I was the reason for her
accident. I’m really upset help me bro…
I ended my message while tears rolling down my cheeks. I
can’t believe I’m crying for a girl because I am the strongest
person in my family. I usually don’t cry. If mama comes she’ll
worry and so I wiped my tears off my face.
There was a reply from Shabeer!
Shabeer: be there at home in five minutes… I know u want your
big bro by your side right now.. comingggg… woooosh…. ;
His reply made me smile a bit. He really loved me and cared
for me no matter what happened. Alhamdulillah to God for the
best brother in the universe I say to myself.
Then while I was waiting for Shabeer, I remembered that my
mom had given me a letter this afternoon when I arrived.
So I decide to read it until Shabeer arrived. As I tore open th
envelope, I was startled by what I saw. A smile flashed onto
my face right away.
My job interview!
The smile that flashed on my face, suddenly disappeared. I
threw aside the letter and went straight to my bed.
While I was lost in thoughts about Asma and the letter,
Shabeer had arrived.
He took a seat infront of the television as he spoke, “Saajid
could you pass the remote”. He had repeated this twice but
since I didn’t reply he decided to walk towards me, he shook
me by my shoulder and took the remote and moved towards
the television as he switched it on.
“Oh Shabeer when did you come?”, I asked him as I was driven
out of my thoughts. “Haha bro I came here about five minutes
ago”, he told me as he swapped the channel to a foot ball
game. He loved watching that.
I felt bad for him as he had arrived here to console me but I
had no time to concentrate on him. So I ran towards him and
said, “Sorry bro, I didn’t mean to do it, I was just lost in my
thoughts. I didn’t just ignore you.. I’m sorry please forgive
“Oh no problem.. I know you are in no good mood today!”, he
say to me smiling. “Please I’m so sorry, I didnt mean it
please!”, I say as I beg for forgiveness from him again.
“Ahh no big deal! You are forgiven, anyways tell me what you
want me to do now?”, he says as he strokes my hair. I act like
a small baby infront of him though we had a very few year gap
difference in age.
“Yeah so please give me an idea big brotherrr! How do I make
her forgive me? Tell me please”, I request him. He thinks for
sometime and replies.
“Uhh I think I have an idea!”, he say as both of us brightens up!
I reply to him, ” yeah tell me fast!! What is it?”.
“I think you should go meet her.. meet her alone and maybe
confess and…”, before he could continue anymore I cut him
“Are you serious Shabeer! You think I should go talk to her
alone? What are you even saying? Are you in your senses?
Don’t you know we aren’t allowed to talk to girls like that..
don’t you know we should lower our gaze in front of them and
don’t you like remember that you might get married to her?”, I
ask him with rage in my voice.
“Oh yeah I’m sorry I didn’t think about it!”, he says as he looks
down and then continues. “Ughh these office non muslim staff
had gotten over me! I feel so bad!”, he says with bitterness in
his voice and he ends with “Ya Allah please forgive me!”.
I feel so bad for him and then say to him, “I think you should
change your company soon!”. This I say to him with serious
tone as I really meant it.
“Yeah I will, soon in shaa Allah! Wait till I find a new company”,
he says with a low tone. “That’s nice to hear!”, I say with a
An idea hit my mind swiftly. And I immediately narrated it to
Shabeer and was waiting for his reaction and thought about it.
“That’s such a great idea, Asma is going to love it! You should
surely do it!”, he says as he gives me a hug.
“Oh Alhamdulillah finally! Jezakallahu khairan Shabeer, I’m
going to start right away”, I say to him and run towards my
“Wa antum fa jazaakum Allahu khairannnnn!”, I hear him say
froma distant. I smile and head towards the table.
The best advantage for me was that Ahsan my best friend was
Asma’s best friend’s cousin. So I could easily get down
Raahimah’s number from him. So I immediately dialled his
Saajid: Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu bro!
Will you please send me Raahimah’s number. It’s an emergency! I’ll
tell you why maybe later.. you call me okay?
Until Ahsan relpied I decided to go pray my Maghrib prayers
without any delay. And I left the room and headed towards the
I prayed and made alot of dua for everyone especially to Asma
and then I ask for forgiveness from Allah for my faults that I
had done intentionally and unintentionally, then I do dhikr and
head to my room.
I take my phone instantly expecting a reply from Ahsan and as
expected I had recieved two messages from him about 3
I immediately open the 1st message to read it.
Ahsan: wasalaams bro, yeah I will send it. And yeah I’ll call you a
little later cuz I’m a little busy. Bye!
Then I open up the next message.
Ahsan: ~~~~ contact Raahim ~~~~
I text him a reply,
Saajid: jezakallahu khairan! Sure thing bro! call me when you are
I immediately save her number and dial it. I talk to her, tell her
my entire plan without forgetting a word and then she helps me
with my favour willingly. Then I end the call and concentrate in
While I was preparing Shabeer came in and threw an envelope
onto my table. I turn and look at him. He asks me to open it.
While I open it I ask him, “what is….”, before I could finish my
sentence I realize what this is. It was that letter. MY JOB
INTERVIEW LETTER!, he had found it. Oops he’s going to kill
I soon take it and throw it away and say to him, “uhh this! Just
throw it away”. He replies with anger in his voice. “Why do you
want to throw it away?”.
I reply screaming, “Because I don’t want to go to that
interview!”. Then Shabeer says with a low, angry dragging
voice, “may I know why you aren’t going for it”.
I get even more angry, so I stand up from my place and and
scream even louder at him,”I don’t want to go to that interview
becuase I don’t want to! How will I go tell me how will I?
Incase I get the job! How will I be happy?”.
I stop to breathe as tears roll down my cheeks and I continue
“How can I enjoy when someone’s suffering because of me?
How can I? And won’t Allah punish me? Cuz don’t you think
it’s a sin to do that? So no way will I go for that interview until
she forgives me. Becuase Allah will never forgive me until she
does.”, i say and pause again.
“So first thing tomorrow you need to do my favour. I won’t take
you home until you do it… just remeber that and don’t accept
anything.. just back off bro”, I push him aside and move away.
I head towards the prayer room to calm my thoughts a little. I
go there and cried to God asking help from Him to protect me
from shaitan. Once I had calmed down I decided to do my Isha
prayers and recited the Quran before heading back to my
I know it was not nice of me to scream at my brother, but still I
know he would understand me because he is MY BROTHER! he
knew how I reacted when I was too upset, so he’ll forget it
soon. But before I headed to my room I said a big sorry to him
and went back.
I was preparing everything for tomorrow once again and I had
fallen asleep over there.
I didn’t have any meal after breakfast that entire day!